Because Hallmark is lame
Check out this “Crass Valetine Assortment for Hipsters,” which are like the old-school Valentine’s we used to get in school (before teachers took all the fun out of celebrating things with parties and candy), but with updated themes we can all identify with. Like “Let’s Get Another Cat, Valetine,” “Don’t Be Such a Creep, Valentine,” and, of course, a U-haul/lesbian joke:
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